i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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