I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I smell stomach acid.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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