It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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