What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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