Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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