worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
