1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
