And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
