I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
