Me too!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
