genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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