My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
