I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
