my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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