I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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