Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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