Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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