i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
