The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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