508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Floor bacon is actually really good
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
