Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
