I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
