i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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