Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
