I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
