He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
