worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
