tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
