sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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