you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
