She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
