according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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