he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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