happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
