Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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