So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
