his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
