Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
