She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
