I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
