new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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