I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
