you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Welp...herpes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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