I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
