Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
