If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
