I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
