1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
