He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just googled if crying burns calories
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
