Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
