pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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