Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
