i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
