Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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