Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
