he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
