I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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