Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
